The great Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
There are conversations we’ve had that people remember, and moments shared that are memorable, but more often, what people carry with them and what impacts them most is not something specific we said or did. It is how they felt in our presence. Whether they felt seen, encouraged, steady, or unsettled lingers long after the moment has passed. How optimism affects others can not be dismissed or underestimated.
We Constantly Underestimate Our Influence
Most of us don’t wake up thinking about the impact we will have on others. We think about what we need to do, what we need to finish, what is waiting for us, and in those somewhat selfish but necessary thoughts, we often miss something important: the way we show up is not neutral. It affects the people around us. It may not be in huge, identifiable ways, but it is in small, consistent ways that make a difference. Our tone of voice, a response, a moment of patience or the absence of it may seem very small on the surface if we even notice them, but they accumulate. Over time, they shape how others experience not just us but how they see themselves through the eyes of others.
Optimism Is Not Just Internal
We often think of optimism as something personal and internal, mindset, a way of thinking, a way of navigating our own lives, perhaps even something we struggle with ourselves in our own personal space, but it is also something more. Optimism has an outward effect. It influences how we respond to others, how we interpret their actions, and how we support or discourage.
When we carry a sense that everything can improve, that effort matters, that people are capable of more than they currently see for themselves, we begin to interact differently. We are more patient, more encouraging, more willing to see possibility in someone else, and that changes the dynamic of the interaction.
The Difference Between Pressure and Presence
There is a difference between trying to fix someone and simply being present with them.
Pressure comes across loudly and clearly when we say
You need to do better.
You’ll be fine.
Just think differently.
In those words, we apply pressure to others that says, if they don’t fall into our own expectations of them, then they apparently need to be fixed, and we know what they need to do to fix the problem. The truth is that nobody needs to be “fixed” and especially not by those of us who still struggle with our own lives. The arrogance we have that tells us we can even point out that someone needs to be fixed further proves how we need to start sweeping under our own doorsteps before we move to someone else’s.
Presence comes across with empathy and understanding; it sounds like
I see where you are.
This is difficult.
You don’t have to go through this alone.
Optimism, when it is grounded, does not rush people past their experience. It does not force a better perspective on them before they are ready. Instead, it creates space, space for someone to feel what they are feeling without losing sight of what might still be possible, space to validate their feelings and to feel safe enough to reach out for help or advice without encountering judgment, space to simply be even if that means being silent in the presence of someone else who respects that silence and just gives us presence.
How Optimism Changes the Atmosphere
There are people who, when they enter a room, bring something with them. It’s not visible or something they announce, but it is something that is felt by those around them. It’s a steadiness, a calmness, a quiet that everything will be okay. It’s not accidental. In fact, it is often the result of how they have learned to see the world based on their own experiences and struggles and learned to move forward. When someone carries grounded optimism rather than forced positivity, there is a steady belief in forward movement that affects the atmosphere, softens tension, lowers defensiveness, and creates room for people to think, speak, and respond differently.
The Teacher, the Coach, the One Who Stayed With You
In an earlier essay which addressed the question of Did I Make a Difference?, I asked readers to think of the person who made a difference in each of our lives. Often it is a teacher or coach or mentor who saw something in us that we didn’t yet see, someone who responded differently than others, someone who didn’t just correct but encouraged often without us even realizing it. If we think about what made that person different, it was not perfection. It was perspective, the wisdom that comes from life and experience and perhaps struggle. That person believed something about us that we may not have believed yet, and because they believed it, they treated us as if it were already true.
That is optimism in action. It’s not about optimism in circumstances; it’s about the optimism seen in other people before they see it themselves.
Small Moments, Lasting Impact
We often think impact requires something large such as a major moment, a defining interaction or a clear turning point. More often, impact is built in small moments such as choosing patience instead of frustration or choosing encouragement instead of silence or choosing to see potential instead of limitation. These moments do not always feel significant, but they stay and over time, they shape something deeper.
What We Give, We Also Reinforce
There is something else that happens when we show up with optimism. We don’t just affect others; we reinforce something in ourselves. When we speak with encouragement, look for possibility or respond with patience, we strengthen that way of seeing. Over time, it becomes more natural, not necessarily easier, but because we have practiced it enough that it becomes part of how we move through the world, it becomes who we are.
A Final Thought on How Optimism Affects Others
We may not always see the impact we have. We may not always know which moments matter, but that does not mean they don’t. The way we show up, the tone we bring, the perspective we carry all reach further than we realize. And sometimes, long after the moment has passed, someone remembers not what we said but how we made them feel, and that feeling becomes part of how they move forward.
As a challenge to each reader, comment below about the person who made a difference in your life, who saw you and encouraged you before you believed in yourself. Tell me about that person, and then, send them a note, a text, a card that simply says “Thank you for seeing me before I saw myself. You made a difference in who I became.” Your acknowledgement and encouragement may help them continue to make a difference in others’ lives.
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